Joke of the Day

jschwenker · « **Reply #3040 on:** 30 Mar 2023, 01:12 am »

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made.
Very few people die past that age.” —George Burns

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3041 on:** 30 Mar 2023, 06:35 am »

What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool?

Rock pay-for scissors.

richidoo · « **Reply #3042 on:** 30 Mar 2023, 04:09 pm »

Quote from: jschwenker on 30 Mar 2023, 01:12 am

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made.
Very few people die past that age.” —George Burns

Genius

Makes me long for the old world

jschwenker · « **Reply #3043 on:** 31 Mar 2023, 01:00 am »

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices:
Take it or leave it.” —Buddy Hackett

Cheers, John

jschwenker · « **Reply #3044 on:** 31 Mar 2023, 09:41 pm »

I offered my elderly neighbor $20 to let me try out her stair lift.
I think she’s going to take me up on it.

Cheers, John

jschwenker · « **Reply #3045 on:** 1 Apr 2023, 10:09 pm »

I was in a shoe shop the other day trying on a shoe.
I said to the assistant “It’s too tight”.
She said “Try it with the tongue out”.
I said “It’th nho ghood, it’th thtill thoo thight”.

Cheers, John

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3046 on:** 2 Apr 2023, 02:14 am »

jschwenker · « **Reply #3047 on:** 2 Apr 2023, 10:37 pm »

If you go out drinking and call in sick the next day at work, I am here to let you know YOU ARE SOFT!
My generation showed up at work in the same clothes we had on the night before and with a hand stamp or wristband…

Cheers, John

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #3048 on:** 3 Apr 2023, 10:04 am »

Quote from: jschwenker on 2 Apr 2023, 10:37 pm

If you go out drinking and call in sick the next day at work, I am here to let you know YOU ARE SOFT!
My generation showed up at work in the same clothes we had on the night before and with a hand stamp or wristband…

Cheers, John

I literally drove from the after hours club directly to work.

Dieterle Tool · « **Reply #3049 on:** 3 Apr 2023, 01:36 pm »

Quote from: Letitroll98 on 3 Apr 2023, 10:04 am

I literally drove from the after hours club directly to work.

Back in the day... I worked third shift. We would get off at 5:00 AM and head to "Brownies" Tavern. Throw darts and drink Budweiser until 9 or 10. Eat some chicken wings for breakfast then go home and sleep it off.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3050 on:** 3 Apr 2023, 11:25 pm »

Boobytrap spelled backwards is... partyboob.

Cheers, John

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3051 on:** 4 Apr 2023, 12:49 am »

richidoo · « **Reply #3052 on:** 4 Apr 2023, 02:00 am »

My wife and I decided we don't want to have children.

We will be telling them tonight.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3053 on:** 5 Apr 2023, 03:03 am »

When I was a kid I wanted to play the guitar really badly.
After years of hard work, dedication and practice, I can now... play the guitar really badly.

(and why I ended up in this hobby)

Cheers, John

ArthurDent · « **Reply #3054 on:** 5 Apr 2023, 03:34 pm »

Quote from: richidoo on 4 Apr 2023, 02:00 am

My wife and I decided we don't want to have children.

We will be telling them tonight.

You crack me up Rich.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3055 on:** 5 Apr 2023, 10:44 pm »

In the old days folks would mount a lantern on their horse for nighttime riding.
It was the first type of... saddle light navigation.

Cheers, John

jschwenker · « **Reply #3056 on:** 7 Apr 2023, 12:17 am »

I was walking past a farm yesterday and saw a sign: "Duck, eggs".
I thought, boy, that's an unnecessary comma.
Then it hit me.

Cheers, John

richidoo · « **Reply #3057 on:** 7 Apr 2023, 04:48 pm »

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh8l0x9uF-Y

mix4fix · « **Reply #3058 on:** 7 Apr 2023, 05:26 pm »

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count, and those who can’t.

Tyson · « **Reply #3059 on:** 7 Apr 2023, 07:36 pm »

Quote from: mix4fix on 7 Apr 2023, 05:26 pm

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count, and those who can’t.

There are actually 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don’t.