Today's Smile

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rodge827

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #740 on: 17 Jun 2022, 07:39 pm »



mikeeastman

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #741 on: 18 Jun 2022, 07:56 pm »


Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week, I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy, oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year. He said that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up, and he hasn't called back. Guess he was embarrassed.

oskar

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #742 on: 19 Jun 2022, 02:36 pm »



mikeeastman

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #743 on: 19 Jun 2022, 02:43 pm »
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. 
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."

mikeeastman

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #744 on: 19 Jun 2022, 03:43 pm »
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

weatherman1

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #745 on: 21 Jun 2022, 04:58 am »



mikeeastman

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #746 on: 21 Jun 2022, 12:04 pm »
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. 
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

oskar

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #747 on: 21 Jun 2022, 01:57 pm »




JCarney

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #748 on: 22 Jun 2022, 02:30 am »




JCarney

oskar

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #749 on: 22 Jun 2022, 01:46 pm »



mikeeastman

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #750 on: 22 Jun 2022, 02:01 pm »


A Perfect Marriage?
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

Saturn94

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #751 on: 22 Jun 2022, 03:52 pm »

A Perfect Marriage?
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

 :lol: :lol: :lol:

Laundrew

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #752 on: 22 Jun 2022, 09:41 pm »



Guy Leduc

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #753 on: 22 Jun 2022, 10:36 pm »
 :lol:

veloceleste

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #754 on: 22 Jun 2022, 11:42 pm »



won ton on

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #755 on: 23 Jun 2022, 10:06 am »
Good one......lol

oskar

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #756 on: 23 Jun 2022, 01:43 pm »



JCarney

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Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #757 on: 24 Jun 2022, 12:09 am »



JCarney

oskar

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #758 on: 25 Jun 2022, 01:36 pm »



dflee

Re: Today's Smile
« Reply #759 on: 25 Jun 2022, 09:57 pm »
Ha. That one will go down in history.