[TrungT]

RPF
 
Good one Thanks.

[Len_Dreyer]

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey.  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.  I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  I know if you were here my troubles would be over.  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden.  That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.  That's the best I could do under the circumstances. 

Love you,
Vinnie

[BobM]

Lets see if I can get this tomato joke correct ...

An old woman is tending her vegetable garden when the Italian gentleman who lives next door looks over the fence and says, "You know those-a tomatoes will grow better if you moon-a them every night before-a the sun goes-a down."

The old lady says "I never heard of that. What makes you say it will work?"

He replies "Thats-a what I do and my tomatos win first-a place-a every year at the county faire."

So that night, just as it is starting to get dark out the old lady creeps outside, looks around to make sure nobody is looking, pulls down her drawers and moons her garden.

About 2 months later the old gentleman sees her at the county faire and asks "Well, how did-a your tomatos grow this-a year?"

She replies, My tomatoes didn't get any bigger than last year but I just won first place for my absolutely huge cucumbers."

[doug s.]

hey bob, that's a nice one! 

curious, due to your signature line - i take it you aren't too fond of zydeco music?     accordian rocks, imo.

doug s., ever the gentleman... 

[BobM]

I grew up playing the accordion ... polka's, 40's-50's pop music, some ragtime, etc. So I'm effectively making fun of myself. 

[doug s.]

I grew up playing the accordion ... polka's, 40's-50's pop music, some ragtime, etc. So I'm effectively making fun of myself. 

doug s.

[Ruby Mae]

I grew up playing the accordion ... polka's, 40's-50's pop music, some ragtime, etc. So I'm effectively making fun of myself. 

hey...maybe you should play a little at the next rave   

[BobM]

I don't do that to friends 

[Ruby Mae]

I don't do that to friends 

silly goose...it would be fun 

[turkey]

silly goose...it would be fun 

Accordion-playing can be fun, or it can be really awful.

Are you willing to risk it?

[Ruby Mae]

Accordion-playing can be fun, or it can be really awful.

Are you willing to risk it?

sure i would take the risk...i love the accordion 
besides...with enuf wine nothing would sound awful     

[BobM]

Well I don't own an accordion anymore and consequently I haven't played one for many years, but I would be willing to give it a shot if someone brings one along. The piano style keyboard, not the buttons.

You asked for it, you got it (Toyota).

[Ruby Mae]

Well I don't own an accordion anymore and consequently I haven't played one for many years, but I would be willing to give it a shot if someone brings one along. The piano style keyboard, not the buttons.

You asked for it, you got it (Toyota).

that's the spirit 

[jtwrace]

I couldn't not post this...it's from http://www.roger-russell.com/wire/wire.htm#introduction which is a pretty good read

[Ruby Mae]

you have to admit it's funny 

[Len_Dreyer]

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.  This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.  They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'.

The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!'

Once again the ! woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.  She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with alarm and yelled, 'Skippy, get away from her, before she craps on you!'

[Ruby Mae]

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club
ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner,
who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in her before."

The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on my
way to find a job."

The owner asks, "What do you do?"

The guy says, "I write music and play the piano."

The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking
for
someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me
if you're interested."

The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent
and musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifully
than anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?"

The guy says, "I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fu*king Their
Brains Out."

The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a terrible name
for such a beautiful song.  Do you know any others?"

The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is astounded by this
guy's talent and musical abilities. He's almost afraid to ask but he does
ask what the name of the song he just played.

The guy answers, "I Fu*ked Her All Night Until She Couldn't Take Anymore."

The owner again was shocked. The owner says, "Ok, you play beautifully and
the songs you have written are incredible. I will hire you, but you have
to promise not to tell the name of your songs to the patrons." The guy
agrees.

That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed
as the owner was with this man's musical abilities.  After playing two
songs the crowd stood up and applauded.  The guy was really pleased and
stood up to take a bow.  When he stood up and faced the audience, it was
apparent that his zipper was open and his dick and balls were hanging out.


One of the patrons close to the piano says, "Sir, do you know your dick and
balls are hanging out?"

The guy smiles and says, "KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!"

[Hogg]

I grew up playing the accordion ... polka's, 40's-50's pop music, some ragtime, etc. So I'm effectively making fun of myself. 

Ahh,  that explains the mustache and short-short lederhosen.   

                                                                                  Jim

[Len_Dreyer]

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

[Len_Dreyer]

To avoid gender bias charges, the New Husbands store owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.