Joke of the Day

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Emil

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2820 on: 4 Apr 2020, 03:46 pm »

Emil

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2821 on: 4 Apr 2020, 03:51 pm »

Wind Chaser

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2822 on: 4 Apr 2020, 04:04 pm »
Emil,

Priceless!

thunderbrick

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2823 on: 4 Apr 2020, 08:49 pm »
Dan came home from work one evening and there was
his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.

"What's the matter, darling?" he asked her.
"I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were
eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the
dog has just eaten it."

"Don't worry," said Dan, "I'll get us another dog.

I.Greyhound Fan

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2824 on: 4 Apr 2020, 09:42 pm »
I told my wife that I just read an article stating that sexual activity can protect men from Corona virus.

She said "then you are a dead man".

smargo

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2825 on: 5 Apr 2020, 05:54 pm »



jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2826 on: 6 Apr 2020, 01:36 am »

weatherman1

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2827 on: 6 Apr 2020, 05:09 am »



Russell Dawkins

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2828 on: 6 Apr 2020, 07:48 am »
I think that's very clever, and I love Scrat.

richidoo

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2829 on: 8 Apr 2020, 02:44 am »

Emil

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2830 on: 8 Apr 2020, 09:56 pm »
My poor wife. We are 11 days into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

FireGuy

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2831 on: 8 Apr 2020, 10:27 pm »



jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2832 on: 8 Apr 2020, 11:35 pm »



smargo

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2833 on: 9 Apr 2020, 04:43 pm »
Yeah i made plans for today - ill fight with my wife over the most ridiculous things - il go to the kitchen endlessly and open the fridge door hoping to find something - not sure what - but something

ill empty the dishwasher about 12 times today - cause it runs constantly now in our house. I'll straighten up about 20 times - ill do 10 loads of laundry today - even if its 1 or 2 items

ill take a nap around 4 - get up at 6 and eat dinner - then ill go for a walk - we will watch tv shows that we would never watch normally -  then ill stay up till all hours of the night listening to music. then ill go to sleep and dream about taking vacations in certain areas of the house - ill wake up about 9:30am
and start making plans all over again.

 

LesterSleepsIn

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2834 on: 9 Apr 2020, 06:47 pm »

A man in a Florida supermarket tried to buy half a head of lettuce.The very young produce assistant told him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.

The man persisted and asked to see the manager.
The boy said he'd ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.  We like people who think on their feet here.
Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
“Really?", said the manager. "My wife is from Canada.”
“No shit?", replied the boy.  "Who'd she play for?”

weatherman1

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2835 on: 10 Apr 2020, 05:05 am »





won ton on

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2836 on: 10 Apr 2020, 10:42 am »
weatherman1           good one

dflee

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2837 on: 10 Apr 2020, 04:50 pm »
Guy sitting on a park bench reading his paper and another guy comes running up to him
and asks if the long haired Dachshund belonged to him. He replied yes and asked if there was
a problem. Second guy yells "your Dachshund just killed my Rottweiler"! First guy asks how in
the world did my Dachshund kill your Rottweiler?
Second guy replies "choked to death on him".

Don

jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2838 on: 10 Apr 2020, 10:53 pm »





Emil

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2839 on: 11 Apr 2020, 01:14 pm »