[Folsom]

IF they eat a grain diet, red meat will probably do it. If they eat a grain-free diet then a pile of hydrogenated oil/sugar/carbs/lactose might but you might need to mix magnesium with it to happen in 20min.

In fact if you have a magnesium supplement that's all you really need to get into them... a large dose. I'd do it with food so it's not an instant reaction.

[thunderbrick]

Does magnesium come in enema form?  One can't be too careful...

[Folsom]

Does magnesium come in enema form?  One can't be too careful...

It wouldn't work unless it's oral, it acts like a laxative. So do sugar free gummies. That might be best bet, a huge bag of sugar free Harribo's accidentally left about.

[daves]

Bob, for the people, chocolate exlax baked into brownies with fudge icing.

For the poodles, some real rich fatty ham ends will do nicely. Add one or two of those sugar free gummies. Lots of fat.

You will want two different time spans for the voidings, so they don't get real suspicious.

[thunderbrick]

Bob, for the people, chocolate exlax baked into brownies with fudge icing.

For the poodles, some real rich fatty ham ends will do nicely. Add one or two of those sugar free gummies. Lots of fat.

You will want two different time spans for the voidings, so they don't get real suspicious.

 

[Folsom]

Chocolate also makes them sick, easier to trace back; careful.

[Bob in St. Louis]

For the kids, just introduce them to marijuana. That should be payback enough.

[thunderbrick]

For the kids, just introduce them to marijuana. That should be payback enough.

The Never Ending Story...

The Heathens spent yesterday at my daughter's house but left the damned canines here.      At The Warden's request I made CDs from LPs for my father-in-law, who MIGHT visit today.  From my LP inventory?  Nope.   I made the mistake of inviting my wife to join me at a used record shop once. She bought a bunch of LPs of music her father used to love.  Fine, I get that.

So, yesterday I copied four Herb Alpert LPs, one Smothers Brothers disc, and Bill Cosby's Greatest Hits....  did I mention the heavy storms  have played havoc with cable TV service?  And that I couldn't get reliable football games?  Yep.

Last evening the good stepson arrived and all was well.  Had a great time visiting (when we weren't beating the dogs), and turned in about 10:30.  Put dogs in kennels/cages and Dumber barked non-stop for hours.  Just friggin' great.  Around midnight all hell breaks loose.  Seems Dumber got out of his cage and did a number on the edible Christmas gifts.  Under the tree of course.

He surgically removed a number of chocolate items, and when future step-daughter-in-law got up to investigate, the dog took off.

Shortly afterwards the Heathens returned and all quieted down.  Numb-nuts slept in the man-cave double recliner.  How do I know?  This morning I found an empty beer can on the floor next to the "sweet spot."

During the (postponed) Christmas stocking chaos, SSIL takes a phone call from work.  Did he excuse himself and go to another room?  Oh, noooo!  So we all wait.......   When Evil Dog tries to steal breakfast AGAIN, SSIL just SCREAMS at him from the living room instead of beating the dog's ass.

Shortly after dog tries another food theft.  SSIL screams at the kid for not guarding the food.  Dog is unscathed

Beer can is still on the floor.

My question is this....do embalmers work during the holidays?

[thunderbrick]

Great.  Women folks are in a frenzy of cooking/baking in the kitchen.

I'm in the man cave, watching football with the sound off, my preferred method.

Idiot SSIL pops a beer and says "mind if I join you?" and plops down.  And he is close enough to strangle.

Gonna be a long afternoon.

Beer can is still on the floor....

[thunderbrick]

Update:  Good stepson has joined the group.  He sets up his laptop on a barstool.

In THE perfect place to block the TV...

[Bob2]

So why are you allowing this to go on?
You are seeing all the benefits of being a nice guy... not working is it?

[thunderbrick]

So why are you allowing this to go on?
You are seeing all the benefits of being a nice guy... not working is it?

Nope.  This group is clueless. 

One reason only, so I don't ruin Christmas for the warden.  At the proper time and place I will have a "come-to-Jesus" talk with the adult sloth.

Should I ever be dragged to their home I'll leave all my tools at home. I will never raise a finger to help them again....

It IS therapeutic that I type this while sitting next to this idiot.  I've been able to keep smiling because of the response I get from AC members.

Edit:  I WILL lay the law down before the next visit.   Tough to do it after they've been allowed to run wild.   MY daughter's family arrives later today, and possibly mother- and father-in-law. 

[Bob2]

I would have tossed them at the first sign of a problem.
I always respected the "My house my rules" attitude.
As for the "hounds of hell" they would be placed in their owners car for the duration of their stay..

Your are a far better person than I.

[thunderbrick]

..

Your are a far better person than I.

Not true.  Heavily medicated, but I have a loooooong memory......

[Bob in St. Louis]

I would have tossed them at the first sign of a problem.
I always respected the "My house my rules" attitude.
As for the "hounds of hell" they would be placed in their owners car for the duration of their stay..

Your are a far better person than I.

Ditto that here too. Soooo many,  just simply, "No, not a friggen chance" situations here. If you want to come and be lazy, fine. But there's a line. When your dogs are tearing things up, sitting in my chair (no animals allowed on the same floor as my man-cave, they're upstairs animals only), beer cans on the floor staining the carpet...just "no". Ass beatings will be handed out, get yourself in line. Time to play Bobs Christmas game of "Spank-a-bitch".

Love the stories though Bob. Please continue to allow them free reign of your home to give us these awesome stories. 

[brooklyn]

Thanks for all the holiday entertainment brick, I laughed myself right though
Christmas reading this thread. Thankfully, the holiday’s only comes once a year.

Hang in there,
Brooklyn

[thunderbrick]

Thanks for the vote of support, guys!   Did I mention that the man cave recliner currently has me, a dog, and SSIL?

SSIL DID get a subtle warning/threat a few minutes ago.  When he got up for a beer he left his side of the recliner extended.  When he returned he simply slid over the arm of the chair instead of sitting like a normal human.

Just as he tried it a second time, I whipped my leg over, smashed the recliner closed, and growled "it works better THIS way!!!"

I don't fear a knock-down, drag-out fight.   But since my wife sees these freeloaders about once a year, and here about every 3-4 years, I have maintained BANKED my self control for the time I go nuclear.  When they least expect it.  Revenge is best served cold.....

For the record, I love dogs.  If The Warden were not allergic I'd have a Lab or a Golden.  But both of us travel a lot and it would be unworkable.  Poodles, for some reason, are non-irritating (from a medical perspective)>

Did I mention that the Warden's parents might arrive?  It gets worse, as they have a toy poodle that goes everywhere with them.  Including in FIL's lap/arm when they eat dinner.

Merry F______ CHRISTMAS!   

We'll return shortly to our regular comedic programming.....

The warden?  She really is a bright, classy, talented woman whom I adore.  How she came out of this fiasco I have no idea......

[thunderbrick]

Thanks for all the holiday entertainment brick, I laughed myself right though
Christmas reading this thread. Thankfully, the holiday’s only comes once a year.

Hang in there,
Brooklyn

Thanks!  It ain't over 'til it's over......

[Guy 13]

Hi thunderbrick.
Your writing is entertaining (Read : Funny) for some of us,
but misery for you. (Sorry about that !)
Well, I am sure the end will come soon.
They can stay and rip your place appart for ever.
Can they ???? 

Guy 13

[JerryM]