Joke of the Day

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1420 on:** 21 Jun 2015, 02:59 pm »

Ohhh.....REALLY!?!?

Has it been Cryo'd?

Guy 13 · « **Reply #1421 on:** 21 Jun 2015, 03:31 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 21 Jun 2015, 02:36 pm

I've got tons of those...
If you don't use it, it's stereo.
If you use one, it's mono.
If you use two, it's mute.

JerryM · « **Reply #1422 on:** 21 Jun 2015, 05:37 pm »

If Bruce Jenner went missing, would they put his picture on a carton of half & half?

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1423 on:** 21 Jun 2015, 07:38 pm »

S Clark · « **Reply #1424 on:** 6 Jul 2015, 09:01 pm »

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

dex67 · « **Reply #1425 on:** 7 Jul 2015, 02:08 pm »

Hi Clark,

Love the comment on the other subject...

...unfortunately it was too subtle for a certain person...

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1426 on:** 8 Jul 2015, 01:42 pm »

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

GentleBender · « **Reply #1427 on:** 8 Jul 2015, 01:50 pm »

Oh My!

dex67 · « **Reply #1428 on:** 15 Jul 2015, 04:54 pm »

guys, please keep posting jokes...they lighten my day...at least 99% of these posts are funny...thank God!....much, much, MUCH better and funnier than dumb comments...

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1429 on:** 15 Jul 2015, 04:59 pm »

Quote from: dex67 on 15 Jul 2015, 04:54 pm

guys, please keep posting jokes...they lighten my day...at least 99% of these posts are funny...thank God!....much, much, MUCH better and funnier than dumb comments...

Amen to that!

This was in my inbox this morning:

GentleBender · « **Reply #1430 on:** 15 Jul 2015, 05:06 pm »

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

mightym · « **Reply #1431 on:** 15 Jul 2015, 10:42 pm »

Quote from: GentleBender on 15 Jul 2015, 05:06 pm

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

Thinking outside the box.......

JakeJ · « **Reply #1432 on:** 16 Jul 2015, 01:41 am »

+1! I re-read that one three times and busted up every time! Can't wait to tell that one to my Dad and a select few at work.

dex67 · « **Reply #1433 on:** 16 Jul 2015, 02:07 pm »

LOL!...loved it...

Bob, I was talking about the dumb comments a certain person adds to so-called jokes...

...thank God is less of that on this side of the humour&jokes forum...

...

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1434 on:** 16 Jul 2015, 02:25 pm »

Yup, I understood Dex. We're on the same page Sir.

mightym · « **Reply #1435 on:** 18 Jul 2015, 01:36 am »

I found this humorous, hope others do too....

An angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking,
drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven. The woman said she
would try her best.

The angel visited the woman a week later to see how
she was getting on.

"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking
and drinking, but then I bent over to check out the freezer and my
boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt,
pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and
there."

"They don't like that in heaven", said the angel.

The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in Walmart either!"

srb · « **Reply #1436 on:** 18 Jul 2015, 02:04 am »

It was a little funnier at Costco

http://www.audiocircle.com/index.php?topic=72917.msg1420871#msg1420871

decal · « **Reply #1437 on:** 18 Jul 2015, 02:52 pm »

Remembering a great ICON

Please join me in remembering a
great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy
died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from being
repeatedly poked in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth,
Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,
and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born
and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his
later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart
cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a
little flaky at times, he lived to be a crusty old man and was considered
a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy
is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough
and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for
about 20 minutes.

P.S.: If this made you
smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time
to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a
crumby day and kneads a lift.

jhm731 · « **Reply #1438 on:** 19 Jul 2015, 07:17 pm »

Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion.

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.

There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy?

25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

jarcher · « **Reply #1439 on:** 19 Jul 2015, 11:13 pm »

I love it - good one!