Joke of the Day

aragon63 · « **Reply #1380 on:** 28 May 2015, 05:40 pm »

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Guy 13 · « **Reply #1381 on:** 28 May 2015, 09:21 pm »

A young fellow became marooned on a deserted South Pacific island after his cruise ship sank.
For several years, he managed to live on fruits and vegetables he found on the island,
together with shellfish and an occasional fish he was able to catch.

Then, one day as he was sitting on the beach, he saw an object approaching the island.
As it got closer, he could see that it was a woman astride a barrel.
When she finally managed to paddle the barrel ashore, he ran over to greet her,
and noticed that she was a beautiful girl.

"Wow," he exclaimed, "I'm sure glad to see you!"

Noticing that his clothes were gone and he had quite a beard, she asked,
"My goodness, how long have you been here by yourself?"

"Almost four years, I think" he replied.

She said "Well, I'm going to give you something you haven't had in a long time,
and I'm sure you have missed."

"Well, hot damn!" he exclaimed, "Have you got beer in that barrel?"

simoon · « **Reply #1382 on:** 2 Jun 2015, 06:19 pm »

Heard this at the THE Show in Irvine on Sunday.

What is an audiophile's worst nightmare?

When he dies, his wife sells all his gear for the amount of money he told her it cost.

Which I guess can be turned around a bit as,

What is an audiophile's greatest dream?

To find an estate sale where the wife is selling her deceased husband's gear for the prices he told he paid.

Guy 13 · « **Reply #1383 on:** 2 Jun 2015, 06:47 pm »

Quote from: simoon on 2 Jun 2015, 06:19 pm

Heard this at the THE Show in Irvine on Sunday.

What is an audiophile's worst nightmare?

When he dies, his wife sells all his gear for the amount of money he told her it cost.

Which I guess can be turned around a bit as,

What is an audiophile's greatest dream?

To find an estate sale where the wife is selling her deceased husband's gear for the prices he told he paid.

JoshK · « **Reply #1384 on:** 2 Jun 2015, 08:47 pm »

good one!

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1385 on:** 3 Jun 2015, 01:24 pm »

GentleBender · « **Reply #1386 on:** 3 Jun 2015, 01:45 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 3 Jun 2015, 01:24 pm

FullRangeMan · « **Reply #1387 on:** 3 Jun 2015, 02:13 pm »

Another from Bill:

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1388 on:** 4 Jun 2015, 06:59 pm »

JerryM · « **Reply #1389 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 12:56 am »

decal · « **Reply #1390 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 06:21 am »

Good one Jerry !!!!!!!!!

mightym · « **Reply #1391 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 08:34 am »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 4 Jun 2015, 06:59 pm

On a Black and White TV, with a pair of pliers......

thunderbrick · « **Reply #1392 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 12:18 pm »

Quote from: mightym on 5 Jun 2015, 08:34 am

On a Black and White TV, with a pair of pliers......

+1!

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1393 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 12:26 pm »

....and while I'm at it, I'll tweak the rabbit ears.

decal · « **Reply #1394 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 01:08 pm »

Make sure to add some tinfoil to those ears Bob!!!!!

GentleBender · « **Reply #1395 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 01:15 pm »

Quote from: decal on 5 Jun 2015, 01:08 pm

Make sure to add some tinfoil to those ears Bob!!!!!

Now I know who used the last bit of aluminum foil!

mboxler · « **Reply #1396 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 01:29 pm »

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself. "Well this changes everything"

ted_b · « **Reply #1397 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 01:38 pm »

A videophile from the early 60's. Next upgrade was to have kids, so one could stand there and hold on to one of the ears during an important broadcast.

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1398 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 02:08 pm »

Quote from: mboxler on 5 Jun 2015, 01:29 pm

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself. "Well this changes everything"

Remember remotes that had cords ?

guest61169 · « **Reply #1399 on:** 5 Jun 2015, 03:51 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 5 Jun 2015, 02:08 pm

Remember remotes that had cords ?

Yeah, I used to play my rented Granada TV like a guitar (careful, this could induce seizures if you're a fast enough player!)with one of these:

Joke of the Day

guest61169